So… the year is drawing to a close and I’ve barely written a word. National Novel Writing Month is speeding up like a freight train and I can’t decide what I’m going to write. I do however believe I know where all my indecision is coming from– I don’t know my voice as a writer.
For years, my entire adult life so far actually, I have always thought that I would be a YA writer. They are the books that I love to read and they are the books that come most easily to me however, just because a book comes easy doesn’t mean that it’s something that I should be writing. Last year’s NaNo was like pulling teeth and even though I ended up with a story that was pretty decent, the sequel has totally fallen by the wayside. More than that, none of the novels that I’ve written thus far (and I’ve written six) have been good enough in my mind (save for the first) to try and attempt to get published.
I follow several writers online and the one thing that always sticks out to me is how passionate they are about their novel. Their stories MUST be told to the world, and I haven’t felt like that for anything that I’ve written (save for the one that I did query out to like 80 agents).
So where does this leave me? In a conundrum to say the least. While I’ve been trying to figure out WHAT I want to write, I’ve been reading a lot and I’ve been noticing that my muses change on a whim. When I read a good YA book, I want to write YA. When I read / watch a good chick-flick I want to write a romantic story. When I watch / read science-fiction, I want to write a science fiction story. When I watch / read something strictly fantasy, I want to be that fantasy writer. I don’t know who I am as a writer. I have so many ideas and no real determination to see any of them through.
National Novel Writing Month 2012 is coming up in just over a week and I am bouncing between a YA story where fairy tales become real, a science fiction story where a thief befriends a disembodied consciousness and a chick-lit tale where a twenty-something finds herself accidentally married and has to deal with consequences. I can see myself writing all three of them… and I would love to write all three of them at once but the stresses of NaNo require me to just pick one and I don’t know which one to pick.
*sigh* Maybe I’m just going to have to write all three on a piece of paper and then pick one come November 1.